I'm writing again. It's been a healthy catharsis, but I'm struggling to find my voice. I know who I used to be, but I don't know who I am right now. Major things that I hide behind have been stripped away, and I'm trying to sort out what is left. I have this image in my head of an overly confident, in control, perfectionistic, productive, and recklessly vocal young girl. I would observe a situation and wreck havoc upon anything I deemed incorrect. In order to have my way, I became an agent of destruction.
I don't want to be that girl. I want to plant gardens and speak hope. I want to participate in healthy, positive, change. Still, there is something about the image that I'm proud of. Where is my passion? Gradually, I feel more helpless and embarrassed when I speak. This can't be humility. I feel like it's just another form of narcissism.
So where is my place? Where is there balance and rhythm?
As I look upon Christ's crucible, I know that I wont find it until this world is made new.
What a buzzkill.
-Rachel
Monday, June 16, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Margo Evelyn's Nursery
Colin and I love simple clean lines, and babies respond best to high contrast so we wanted Margo's nursery to be modern and soft with gender neutral color pops. Adventure and exploration are the main themes with woodland creature accents and an outdoorsy vibe.
I found the crib blanket fabric on Spoonflower.com and fell in love. I decided to back it with a solid red-orange and rustic cable-thread edging detail... well, I didn't really DECIDE to give it rustic-cable thread detailing, but that's what I'm calling it since I really just learned to sew so that I could make things for the nursery (shout out to Nana B for teaching me). The whole room was inspired by the fabric. It feels modern AND woodsy.
I designed the art above the crib and changing table printed it with our new canon pro-printer. It's the bee's knees and I've been thinking about selling some of the designs online. The mobiles were a pain in the booty since I had to hand sew all the little critters for the one near the crib and then hand watercolor all the cards for the one near the changing table. Friends contributed the "Margo Evelyn" painting and vintage "M." Finally, that giant acrylic over the dresser is in the style of a previous series of paintings I did called "Elementary" that have a tribal feel with and geometry.
I think it's all about the details. From Colin's childhood copy of "Where the Wild Things Are" to my worn out teddy bear, this room has been intentionally put together with care for our daughter.
The coolest part is that we did it together. Sure, I might have done most of the detail work, but not a single thing went into that room without Colin's input and physical carrying. Seriously. He spent HOURS putting together that dresser. Actually, the only piece of furniture that did not require assembly is my Grandma's chair (not the rocker... that had to be put together too!). He hung the art work. He painted the walls. He hung the hardware and fabric for the curtains and organized the furniture.
I cannot wait to spend time in this room with our little girl.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Feminist Mama
You lived on my blood
What I ate, you ate
These breasts fed you…all of you
I have nourished a clan with my own flesh and blood
So when you tell me that it is difficult to understand a first-century male Jewish rabbi
I sigh…patronized
We women know what it means to have someone eat our flesh and drink our blood, for you to be part of us, for your very life to depend on us
I'm bringing another girl into this world by the end of this month, and you know what? It's really hard to be a girl. Frankly, it's really hard to be a human.
I never used to identify as a feminist. I thought that the word was a label for a woman who believed that she was better than men... maybe even hated them. The word made me uncomfortable. It seemed to demand things.
I have been told repeatedly that women and men are created differently... Men to lead, and women to help. I have been told that women are weaker than men. I have been told that wives should submit to their husbands, and a true Christian woman walks with a "quiet grace."
Here's the thing: I'm wild. I'm bold, and I lead.
Because I'm a woman, this isn't ok? Should I suppress the gifts that God has given me because some people interpret a few verses differently and out of context? I mean... should I REALLY be silent in church and wear a head covering?
I make some people uncomfortable. I am confident, and don't hesitate to speak when I have something to say. Even as I write this, I wonder if people will read it and think that I am irrational or coming on "too strong," but out of a man's mouth, these same words wouldn't be questioned. Still, that wondering has never stopped me.
The other day, someone posted an article on a social media website entitled "8 Essential Rules for Banging a Single Mom." Naturally, my eyes narrowed, and brow furrowed as soon as I read the title. I knew what I was getting into, but curiosity got the best of me, and I clicked the link. I have NEVER read something so hurtful, depraved, and oppressive. It talked about treating women like "bowling balls" (using all orifices) in order to shame her into realizing her place. The author wrote that single mom's are looking for a man to provide for them, so if you want to continue to have sex with her, you should be careful to never ever buy her anything. That way, she will continue to do more and more degrading things in bed with the hope of getting money from you. There were 6 more "tips" that I don't feel like talking about.
This is the world that my baby girl will live in.
Slavery was also justified using the Bible. Scripture is a double edged sword, that can be used to hurt people as much as it can be used to heal. When we forget to seek the author's original intent and historical context, human interpretations fail. Most people don't realize that American black men won the right to vote with the 15th Amendment in 1870, but American women (of any color) did not win theirs until the 19th Amendment, in 1920... a half-century later. Women have been systematically oppressed for a very very long time, but for some reason, vocalizing it is taboo... a glaring sign that the oppression continues.
I don't want to rule over men. I love my brothers. I just want to see as many women leaders as male leaders. I want to be asked my opinion. I want to be asked to teach. When there is vision being cast, I want to see women present. I want my words to be as effective at making change as a man's. I want to wear whatever I want to wear without hearing cat calls or being called a slut.
I want my daughter to be valued as a person... without limitation. Because you know what? She is.
-Rachel
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It's Been Awhile
I've been really active on social media and with roots-creative.com but figure it's time to start writing about adventures again... mostly because of Margo.
Margo is the baby in my belly.
She should be here in about a month.
Oh. My. Dog.
Something about her immanent arrival reminds me of preparing to leave for Asia. The unknowns create in me an excited energy that easily lead to worry. I'm asking big questions again. I find myself looking at the broad picture of our lives at the end of this season and acknowledge that change is coming. Just like I wondered who I would become after living overseas, I wonder who will I be when I have a child.
This time, it's a permanent adventure. It's like I'm getting married to someone I've never met before. More than that, my every word and action will shape her. My beliefs will most likely become her beliefs. My bad habits will most likely become her bad habits. Gosh, I hope she doesn't bite her nails like her mama.
Welcome to this new adventure. Welcome to my processing.
-Rachel
Margo is the baby in my belly.
She should be here in about a month.
Oh. My. Dog.
Something about her immanent arrival reminds me of preparing to leave for Asia. The unknowns create in me an excited energy that easily lead to worry. I'm asking big questions again. I find myself looking at the broad picture of our lives at the end of this season and acknowledge that change is coming. Just like I wondered who I would become after living overseas, I wonder who will I be when I have a child.
This time, it's a permanent adventure. It's like I'm getting married to someone I've never met before. More than that, my every word and action will shape her. My beliefs will most likely become her beliefs. My bad habits will most likely become her bad habits. Gosh, I hope she doesn't bite her nails like her mama.
Welcome to this new adventure. Welcome to my processing.
-Rachel
Friday, April 11, 2014
Becoming Like Christ Through His Death: Lent Devotional
Please Read: Philippians 3:4-14
I am what is called a “process artist.” My favorite creative outlets involve steps - image development, layered painting techniques, crafting a ceramic piece...etc. It has been four years since I’ve had my hands in clay, but when I read this passage from Philippians, I couldn’t help but think of
forming, drying, and firing it.
Isaiah 64:8 uses the analogy of a potter and clay to describe our relationship with God. We all begin as mud. It takes a death of fire to perfect us. Even if a piece looks perfect, until it’s put through the kiln, it’s extremely fragile.
It’s unfinished.
We can bear the appearance of Christ, but until we become like Him in dying to ourselves, we aren’t truly following Him. In the Philippians passage, Paul talks about counting all of his religious accomplishments as loss in comparison to his life lived in fellowship with Christ. None of it mattered until he gave up just existing for himself.
We can say the right things, and even do the right things, but it does matter what we are doing them for. The difference is between bearing the fragile appearance of Christ, or actually being like Him.
We must “forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead.” We must “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
It’s about orientation. Rather than face the potter’s wheel where we discovered our beauty, we must face the cross of the kiln. Our beauty is still present, but now we are strong enough to be used. No longer are we just for show, we can be filled and emptied without breaking.
Holy and perfect Jesus,
We thank you for your death. We praise you for your Spirit that enables us to die as well. We confess that we are prone to the narcissism of pride and the narcissism of self-loathing. Mold us, Heavenly Father, to be like Christ not only in appearance, but also in spirit. May we decrease that you may increase. For your Glory alone. Amen.
- Rachel Whitehurst
I am what is called a “process artist.” My favorite creative outlets involve steps - image development, layered painting techniques, crafting a ceramic piece...etc. It has been four years since I’ve had my hands in clay, but when I read this passage from Philippians, I couldn’t help but think of
forming, drying, and firing it.
Isaiah 64:8 uses the analogy of a potter and clay to describe our relationship with God. We all begin as mud. It takes a death of fire to perfect us. Even if a piece looks perfect, until it’s put through the kiln, it’s extremely fragile.
It’s unfinished.
We can bear the appearance of Christ, but until we become like Him in dying to ourselves, we aren’t truly following Him. In the Philippians passage, Paul talks about counting all of his religious accomplishments as loss in comparison to his life lived in fellowship with Christ. None of it mattered until he gave up just existing for himself.
We can say the right things, and even do the right things, but it does matter what we are doing them for. The difference is between bearing the fragile appearance of Christ, or actually being like Him.
We must “forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead.” We must “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
It’s about orientation. Rather than face the potter’s wheel where we discovered our beauty, we must face the cross of the kiln. Our beauty is still present, but now we are strong enough to be used. No longer are we just for show, we can be filled and emptied without breaking.
Holy and perfect Jesus,
We thank you for your death. We praise you for your Spirit that enables us to die as well. We confess that we are prone to the narcissism of pride and the narcissism of self-loathing. Mold us, Heavenly Father, to be like Christ not only in appearance, but also in spirit. May we decrease that you may increase. For your Glory alone. Amen.
- Rachel Whitehurst
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Israel is Thirsty: Lent Devotional
Please Read: Exodus 17:1-17
In Exodus 17 we observe two episodes that take place as part of the much larger story of God bringing his people into the promised land.
In the first episode, God leads the way but people get restless and put Him to the test. In the second episode, God commands the Israelites to go to war with Amalek, and they win the battle.
In the midst of the larger story we see that, as Terrence Fretheim puts it, the people of Israel are “a people between promise and fulfillment.” They have been promised a land that will be perfect and their own, but they must first walk through the wilderness. They have been walking for so long that they have become weary and distrusting of God.
These two episodes together illustrate a theme of being patient on God’s timing. In the battle with Amalek, God doesn’t allow the battle to be over in five minutes. Instead, it takes so long that Moses can’t hold his arms up by himself any longer. He needs help. God did intervene, but not immediately.
We can resonate with Israel being a people between promise and fulfillment. We have the promise that one day this earth will be made new; that there will be no more tears, injustice, hate, pain, violence, or war. We trust it to be true, but these things still surround us. We experience them.
It is passages like Exodus 17 that open our eyes to reality. We can look back on the Israelite’s walk in the wilderness and judge them with a shake of our heads. With our 20/20 hindsight we say, “you should be more patient.”
Yet God is more patient. Even though the people put God to the test, even though they quarrel with Him. He still sends them the miracle they asked for; the sustenance that they needed in the midst of the wilderness. It wasn’t the full promise, but it was a glimpse. He is patient with our doubt.
Sometimes we feel forgotten and alone. We feel as though we are never going to see God’s promises fulfilled, but we must remember that God is sustaining us in the midst of our wilderness.
This time, however, we have more than water from a rock. We have living water. Through Jesus we don’t just have a future promise of refreshment. We have it now.
God, teach us to see the big picture of not only what you are doing presently in this world, but what you have done in the past, and what you will do in the future. Help us to understand our place in the midst of the much larger story of your grace. Help us to submit to your will and your desires. Thank you for your Son and Spirit. Amen.
- Colin Whitehurst
In Exodus 17 we observe two episodes that take place as part of the much larger story of God bringing his people into the promised land.
In the first episode, God leads the way but people get restless and put Him to the test. In the second episode, God commands the Israelites to go to war with Amalek, and they win the battle.
In the midst of the larger story we see that, as Terrence Fretheim puts it, the people of Israel are “a people between promise and fulfillment.” They have been promised a land that will be perfect and their own, but they must first walk through the wilderness. They have been walking for so long that they have become weary and distrusting of God.
These two episodes together illustrate a theme of being patient on God’s timing. In the battle with Amalek, God doesn’t allow the battle to be over in five minutes. Instead, it takes so long that Moses can’t hold his arms up by himself any longer. He needs help. God did intervene, but not immediately.
We can resonate with Israel being a people between promise and fulfillment. We have the promise that one day this earth will be made new; that there will be no more tears, injustice, hate, pain, violence, or war. We trust it to be true, but these things still surround us. We experience them.
It is passages like Exodus 17 that open our eyes to reality. We can look back on the Israelite’s walk in the wilderness and judge them with a shake of our heads. With our 20/20 hindsight we say, “you should be more patient.”
Yet God is more patient. Even though the people put God to the test, even though they quarrel with Him. He still sends them the miracle they asked for; the sustenance that they needed in the midst of the wilderness. It wasn’t the full promise, but it was a glimpse. He is patient with our doubt.
Sometimes we feel forgotten and alone. We feel as though we are never going to see God’s promises fulfilled, but we must remember that God is sustaining us in the midst of our wilderness.
This time, however, we have more than water from a rock. We have living water. Through Jesus we don’t just have a future promise of refreshment. We have it now.
God, teach us to see the big picture of not only what you are doing presently in this world, but what you have done in the past, and what you will do in the future. Help us to understand our place in the midst of the much larger story of your grace. Help us to submit to your will and your desires. Thank you for your Son and Spirit. Amen.
- Colin Whitehurst
Friday, March 21, 2014
Obeying in Life: Lent Devotional
Please Read: II John 1:4-6
In just a couple of days, I will see Redwoods for the first time. Ever since I learned about these massive trees, I’ve dreamt about standing beneath them. There is something mightily sacred about the hundreds of years represented in those ancient giants, and I just want to be a part of it.
Our culture might value innovation, but we cannot forget our roots.
I think that is what John is getting at in this passage. I read II John 1:4-6 as an urgent whisper to those who have grown cold. He wants the reader to know that this is nothing new. It’s as old as Moses - older even. It’s from The Beginning. I imagine John leaning in close to the desk,
eyes flashing across as the paper (or papyrus or whatever) as he writes, “Remember.”
And what is the root of roots?
That we love one another.
Even when we don’t feel like it.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it seems there is nothing to love.
Even when they don’t love us.
Don’t forget.
John reminds us because we need to be reminded. We are so good at justifying indifference, that insect known as apathy works its way into our branches.
Brothers and sisters, let us be pruned. The roots of our faith are deep. We will regrow what we have lost.
God of Adam,
You bring all things into being and sustain them with your mighty power. We praise you for your patience with an imperfect creation and confess our need for rescue. Save us from our hardened hearts. We want to love as you love. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy
Ghost; As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be: world without end. Amen.
- Rachel Whitehurst
In just a couple of days, I will see Redwoods for the first time. Ever since I learned about these massive trees, I’ve dreamt about standing beneath them. There is something mightily sacred about the hundreds of years represented in those ancient giants, and I just want to be a part of it.
Our culture might value innovation, but we cannot forget our roots.
I think that is what John is getting at in this passage. I read II John 1:4-6 as an urgent whisper to those who have grown cold. He wants the reader to know that this is nothing new. It’s as old as Moses - older even. It’s from The Beginning. I imagine John leaning in close to the desk,
eyes flashing across as the paper (or papyrus or whatever) as he writes, “Remember.”
And what is the root of roots?
That we love one another.
Even when we don’t feel like it.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it seems there is nothing to love.
Even when they don’t love us.
Don’t forget.
John reminds us because we need to be reminded. We are so good at justifying indifference, that insect known as apathy works its way into our branches.
Brothers and sisters, let us be pruned. The roots of our faith are deep. We will regrow what we have lost.
God of Adam,
You bring all things into being and sustain them with your mighty power. We praise you for your patience with an imperfect creation and confess our need for rescue. Save us from our hardened hearts. We want to love as you love. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy
Ghost; As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be: world without end. Amen.
- Rachel Whitehurst
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)