Labor and Delivery: 9 Days Later

It started at 5:00. I was waiting for Teaching Pool (my church group that meets to help whoever is preaching process the scripture for that week's sermon) to start and felt fairly rhythmic contractions that started in my back. I felt like things were happening, but I could talk through them and concentrate on the conversation. When I got home, Colin had made steak and veggies for dinner. After eating, we went on a walk around the Huntington University lake (about a mile). I bounced on the yoga ball, took a warm shower, and tried to relax in the nursery as contractions intensified and began timing them. I thought they were pretty bad (I had no idea) and was having some difficulty talking through them. I began my breathing techniques and found that “dancing” or swaying through them helped with the pain. I wouldn’t allow myself to call it pain. I tried to think of them as an interesting sensation and spoke about them in terms of intensity rather than hurt.

At about 1:00 I called the hospital to see if I should come in since I was timing contractions at 50 seconds and 2 minutes apart. Dr. Harrison, the doctor on call, said that I could come in or wait a little while if I wanted to try to have a natural birth (the less time at the hospital, the less chances of medical intervention). Colin ran to the store to pick up miso soup so that I could have something to eat that still fit the clear liquid diet I would be on if I was in active labor. When he returned, it was about 2:00 and we packed the car and headed to the hospital.

I was admitted to our room (103) and contractions continued to intensify. I was calling them 6s and 7s out of 10 on the hospital pain scale. The nurse checked my cervix and said I was only 2 cm dilated. I was crushed. I asked to take a shower to help cope with the contractions and hope that it would also release more oxytocin and speed up labor. After an hour in the shower, I hobbled back to the bed and continued to breathe through the contractions. Colin helped by counting me through them as we tried to play cards and watch shows on Netflix. I was too distracted and getting exhausted. I’m not sure what time this was, but I think it would have to be about 6:00am. I was told my obstetrician Dr. Stamm would come check on me about 9:00, but he had a C-section and didn’t make it. The nurse said he would be by at about 11:00. I was pretty discouraged about it because my pain was getting much worse and I was making no progress in dilation. I had decided that I wanted him to break my water to try to get things moving along.

By 11:00 contractions were so intense, and I was so exhausted that I no longer felt that a natural birth would be peaceful. I resigned myself to a medical birth without too much disappointment, as I knew that things would go much more smoothly if I could get some rest. At this point, I had been in labor for 18 hours and hadn’t had sleep in 26.

11:00 came and went with no sign of my OB. He had another C-section and I would have to wait until 2:00 for him to come. I still had only dilated to 3-4cm. I was crushed. Colin kept helping me count through the contractions, but I was losing it. I felt hopeless.

Finally, Dr. Stamm was able to leave the OR and visit me. He approved an epidural and the anesthetist arrived promptly. Getting the epidural did not hurt at all, however, I experienced some “shocks” that I wasn’t supposed to that made my left leg bounce around uncontrollably. I could still feel my contractions although my legs were completely numb and heavy. Even having my legs numb did help a lot since I have restless leg syndrome and couldn’t get any rest between contractions because of that discomfort. They kept giving me bolsters since the epidural wasn’t touching my contractions and tried to convince me that it was going to work.

I slept between contractions for about an hour before I consented to Pitocin under the impression that the epidural would balance them out if I could just get enough medicine. Apparently, the epidural only ever really took in my legs… specifically my left leg. Every bolster just went there. It was my worst fear: Pitocin without an epidural.

At that point, I had resigned myself to a medical labor and was no longer prepared mentally for the intensity of the contractions. Especially considering I was having both natural contractions and artificial Pitocin contractions back to back. A normal contraction feels like an ocean wave, and before Pitocin, I knew that at some point, it would peak and begin to decrease. Pitocin feels like a surprise shove into that ocean. I would have a minute to minute and a half long artificial contraction followed by a minute long natural one with about a minute break between. Colin was trying to count me through them, but I could no longer focus. I began to shake uncontrollably and had a small panic attack where I didn’t think that I could breathe although my oxygen levels were normal. Colin told me to squeeze his finger as hard as I could, and it actually made the shaking stop. I toyed with the idea of asking them to take me off the Pitocin, but also wanted to whole thing to be over as soon as possible. I stuck it out, more because I couldn’t speak during the contractions and needed to breathe between them. I could tell that I was making HUGE progress, but because it had been so slow moving the nurse was hesitant to check me.

At about 8:00pm, I vomited during a contraction and knew that it was almost time to meet my daughter. My nurse told me that I was fully effaced and dilated. We started to do some “practice pushes” along with the contractions and because I could feel everything, I knew exactly how to push. Once I gave over to the idea that I had no choice, and had to finish delivery, I felt myself surrender and relax into the pain. Those “practice” pushes brought baby Margo almost to crowning, and the nurse had to run out of the room to call Dr. Stamm. I actually had to actively NOT push through a couple contractions (which was extremely difficult) so that he could get to me.

At 8:30, I began to push. Breaking each contraction down into 3 ten second intervals where I would breathe in, hold my breath, and bear down. Everyone kept saying how great I was doing, and after only a half hour at 9:00pm, they put my daughter on my chest.

I was stunned. I didn’t think that she was ever going to make it. I had been terrified of delivery because I thought that I would feel empty and hollow after pregnancy was over. Unknowingly, I had believed that if she would just stay inside of me, I could protect her. With her in my arms, I felt like I was in a dream. She was healthy 7lbs 14oz, 20.5 inches long, and perfect.

9 days later, she is sleeping next to me as I write this. Her face is more defined and I’m learning so much about her. She loves to have her arms outstretched, even out of a swaddle. She has the most beautiful eyes and lips. Although I don’t know much, I know how to feed her, and it brings me such joy to have her close. Nights are hard with a maximum 2 hours of sleep at a time, but I love them because it’s just her and I in our own little world.

I love her more every day, and although my labor and delivery was 28 hours long and I had no sleep for 36, I am happy, easily recovering, and amazed by the capacities of my body. Even though it was my worst fear, I am fine. My baby is safe, and I could do it again. God has designed women for this. We are capable. We are strong.